I know

You always hear about illness, disease, defects, cancer, etc. And for some, it's not something they have to deal with. And for others, it's a way of life.



It's hard.



It's emotional.



It's scary.



It's frustrating.



It's embarrassing.



It's sad.



When it hit me, it was a bit climatic. I was in college with 5 great roomies having the time of my life. They were very supportive and stayed at the hospital with me until my parents flew in. When I got home, received tests & doctors poured all over me, it seemed a little anti-climatic. "You need to do this....you have to look for this......you have to remember this...." And on and on and on.



It is something you think you can survive through. After all, Heavenly Father doesn't give us anything we can't handle, right? But at the time, the wish of healing just wraps around you. "When you Wish upon a Star" becomes your favorite song. You look at others with all their personal struggles and you always think yours is worse. Why me?



Side effects are debilitating. They hit you at unwanted times. But then why would you want them at any time? My drugs are meant to be "as more time goes by, you get used to them." Who knows if that's true. Some work great for one & horrible for others. Not a one size fits all. But how I wish it were that.



But....



I'm grateful for my family. I'm grateful for my home. I'm grateful for my friends. And I'm grateful for the gospel. I read last night about the apostle Peter being on the ship in the stormy seas. And then him being afraid when he saw Jesus walking on the water, "It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear." Then "Jesus spake unto them saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid." And Peter walked on the water when he was asked. Because he had faith. And he wasn't afraid even when he was minutes before.



Being afraid is something I detest. And it's now something I have to deal with. I've made it a choice. It's also a choice to be strong. To be confident. To be secure. And to have faith. He knows me. He knows my challenges. And he knows that I can overcome them.



I know I can have the faith to overcome this. I'm in it for the long haul. And even though I detest it, it keeps me grounded.



That's the most important thing of all.